im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
