I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
