Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
