can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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