So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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