can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
