This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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