After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
