so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
