We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
