im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
