just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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