Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Randomize
