We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
