my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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