Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
