goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
