We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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