hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
COCAINE IS GR8
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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