eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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