I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
