don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
