Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
