I think I died a long time ago.
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
the condom got lost in my hair
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
