Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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