Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
