so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
