He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
