Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
