Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
