jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
