Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
