3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
