i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
