There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
