my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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