also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
