yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
one two three fourrrrnication!
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
