would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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