you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
