I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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