I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
3 2 1 whiskey
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
