im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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