I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
even my farts smell like vagina
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
