I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
