Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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