if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
