They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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