my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
