It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
