yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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