i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
