The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
you made out with another girl for some wings
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
