Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
PANTIES FOUND
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