it wasn't lemon gatorade
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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