he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
