and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
